Classic pepperoni and mozzarella on house tomato sauce. Nothing unusual has ever been reported about this pizza.

Thick-crust deep dish with roasted garlic, spinach, ricotta, and black olive. Best ordered for evening delivery.

Smoked salmon, capers, cream cheese, red onion, and dill on an olive oil base. Available at all three of our Portland locations.

Fresh mozzarella, basil, and heirloom tomato on extra virgin olive oil. Our kitchen notes this item is only available on certain calendar dates.

A blend of four known seasonal toppings plus one additional topping that varies per order. Customers describe it as familiar but cannot name it.

Nduja, calabrian chili, roasted red pepper, crushed tomato, and fresh mozzarella. Hand-tossed to order.

Extra pepperoni, extra sausage, extra bacon, extra ham, extra ground beef, extra meatball, extra salami, extra prosciutto, extra mozzarella, extra provolone, extra cheddar, extra parmesan, extra ricotta, extra mushroom, extra onion, extra green pepper, extra red pepper, extra black olive, extra green olive, extra banana pepper, extra jalapeno, extra roasted garlic, extra sun-dried tomato, extra spinach, extra artichoke, extra pineapple, extra anchovy, extra honey and a double helping of regret. Not recommended for one person. Not recommended for two. Perfect for Suture. THIS PIZZA IS NOT AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING SIZES: SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE, XTRA LARGE

Korean style. Gochujang base, bulgogi beef, finely sliced liver, caramelized kimchi, mozzarella, scallion, sesame seed, and a drizzle of sriracha mayo. Best shared with friends (that have 9 tails and eat livers)

Neon-colored crust with snipped glowsticks mixed into the sauce. Cheese glows faintly under blacklight. Best shared with 2599.

Widely knownn by its fanmade name "The Fucking Cheeseinator". Pan crust, extra cheese, then every optional cheese on the menu added on top, and yes, those are ALSO set to extra. We are contractually unable to identify the cheese-to-pizza ratio. Must sign a waiver of liability. Comes with its own gravitational pull.

Pepperoni, onions, bell peppers, ketchup, mayonnaise, orange juice, apple juice, and a finishing drizzle of American Fresh Ground Oil. Built from a recipe GAMBIT insists is "definitely how humans eat," because GAMBIT is a robot and nobody has corrected them. We're too scared to tell them. Please don't tell them...